Frustration

Well today I woke up went to the bathroom and realized I could not feel anything from my waist down, I was even unable to have a bowel movement because I could not push. I am so frustrated I wish I knew someone who could help me or at least understand. I guess my frustration comes from knowing that even doctors do not know what to do about this short of putting you on lethal doses of steroids. I will learn to deal with it but I do not think my relationship will survive all we really have left is sex as we can no longer do things together as MS has robbed me of so much energy and confidence. My mind is not the same anymore either I am sad all the time, short tempered and nasty I have lost most of my friends over the years partially due to lack of desire and energy, let alone the fact that I am just plain miserable. Also I am sick and tired of having to take care of Money Bags because he can't take care of himself let alone the idea that I am having such a hard time with my own life and health. I feel so stressed out, I feel like I am all by myself with a second person that I have to take care of. (I don't have children) Sometimes I think I would be better off alone but then I realize I would really be all alone because I have managed to lose most people in my life already or should I say pushed them out so they don't know how vulnerable I really am.

Maybe it takes this kind of frustration to make me do something about it I have decided that I am going to go to Los Cabos in December for Angioplasty all I have to do is book my flight and it is done, up to this point I have felt guilty about spending someone else's money on something I am not sure will work, I must have faith that something will work in my favour soon. I am determined to not let the small things stress me out anymore. I am have been stressing about who is going to take care of my 5 lovely pets, spending someones money, mowing the lawn, cooking dinner, keeping my house clean the list goes on and on but I must let go and let someone else stress about it for awhile. I am sorry that this post is more like a rant than a nice post but I look forward to the next one and hope it is allot more positive than this was. Thanks for reading I will try to smile today :)