Procrastinating November 2010

I have not been here in awhile for several reasons first and most importantly I just plain forget, I don't seem to be able to find the time to get much of anything done for myself or for others. I am unable to make or keep plans with other people and I begin to feel very stressed about the fact that I no longer feel as if I am in control of how my life is going to turn out. I have also been trying extra hard to include certain people in my life but I have found that it is becoming increasingly more difficult. I have also been very busy trying to stop procrastinating about traveling for treatment I have had a few opportunities now and I am down right afraid I am afraid it won't work let alone my fear of the procedure, I know it sounds silly but I am so scarred of needles let alone a catheter in my veins ballooning up.

I have been confirmed with CCSVI and I need treatment as I am getting worse lately I just don't seem to be brave enough to go through with it. I want to so badly but I need some support from people and I can't seem to be able to socialize with people anymore.

I am here today to give an update on my journey and all I can really say is I am trying very hard to get brave enough to do this and I need the treatment soon so I am going to try to write more often with legitimate updates on travel plans and dates for my treatment. Right now I have my feelers out in 3 or 4 locations 5 if you include the one that I fear the most. (due to hygiene)

First two choices are Costa Rica and Los Cabos second choice is Merida, Mexico and above all the one I think will take too long to get into Poland I am on the list and I have stayed up late to call a couple of times but they just can't seem to nail down any dates or even time frames. They haven't even asked me my name when I call so I think I will have to give up on them.

Well that is enough for this two finger typer for today. I promise I will try to write more often.